So Filled With Love
by booksandteabags
Summary: Neil is so filled with love for Todd sometimes that he forgets how to breathe.


Disclaimer: I do not own Dead Poets Society. Otherwise I wouldn't be writing fan fiction.

Neil sometimes so filled with love Todd that is difficult for him to breathe. One of these robbed of breath moments happens one winter afternoon when Neil returns from rehearsal to find Todd curled up on the radiator, staring out into the white abyss of the near blizzard weather raging outside; a storm that started halfway through Neil's bike ride back to Welton. The light is off, and Neil can only barely make out Todd's facial features-mostly he just sees Todd's shadowed silhouette, contrasted against the pure white show swirling outside the window. When Neil sees this his breath hitches, and stops. Most people would chalk this up to riding a bike through a snow storm, but this…this is a different sort of breathless. This is a breathless that makes Neil forget that his through a snow storm bike ride has frozen him to the bone. Neil's breath hitches again, returning to him this time.

"Todd…." Neil breathes, noticing for the first time that his teeth are chattering.

Todd's head turns towards Neil, and in that moment Neil is sure that this simple movement of turning head is the most beautiful movement he's ever seen.

"Neil." Todd smiles. "I was worried you were going to get caught in the storm."

"Never." Neil says. "I had to get back to you."

A look of confusion finds it's way to Todd's face and Neil swears Todd looks, well, beautiful no matter what expression is on his face. Todd's head is cocked slightly to one side as if that'll help him figure out exactly what Neil's comment meant.

"I just…I just love you so much." Neil says, his chest, his whole being feeling as if it'll burst with all the passion he feels for Todd right now.

"I love you too." Todd says, climbing off the radiator and moving to stand in front of Neil, almost, but not quite touching.

Todd reaches up, placing his warm hands on Neil's frozen cheeks, leans in and presses his lips to Neil's, and again Neil forgets that his clothes are caked with snow. This kiss is not like any other kiss they've shared Neil thinks. It's not hungry, needy, pushed by teenage hormones. All it is is love, pure love, love so pure that lips against gentle lips is the only way to express it, there are no words. A love so pure it's dizzying.

Todd's hand leave Neil's face, trail down Neil's neck and start unbuttoning Neil's jacket. If Neil weren't enjoying this kiss so much he'd break his lips from Todd's and ask why Todd has started to undress him. But damn, this is kind of hot, but Neil's not sure he's ready for where this might be leading, and he's pretty sure Todd's not ready for that either, which is why Neil is confused.

"Have to get you out of these wet clothes." Todd whispers against Neil's lips, almost as if he has read Neil's mind, moving to unbutton Neil's shirt, having successfully gotten the coat off and thrown on the floor, and pulled the sweater over Neil's head, breaking the kiss for only a second, a second too long.

Neil understands, and tries to help, but his fingers are frozen, even though he wore gloves. Neil tries and tries to unbutton the same button, the bottom one the whole time it takes Todd to work his way down from the top. Todd places his hands over Neil's and they unbutton the button together. Neil starts to shiver when the shirt is shrugged off his shoulders, and when Todd moves away, presumably to get Neil dry clothes, Neil feels a kind of emptiness, suddenly, missing Todd's body so close to his, Todd's warms hands, Todd's lips.

"The pants need to come off too." Todd says, pulling a dry tee shirt over Neil's head, following it with a thick sweater.

"Mmm." Neil murmurs, and Todd turns away respectfully, busying himself with draping Neil's coat over the radiator to let it dry.

When Neil has gotten the dray pants and socks on he steps up behind Todd, who is staring out the window at the raging storm again. Neil wraps his arms around Todd and rests his head on Todd's shoulder. Todd relaxes into Neil's touch. Neil breathes in deeply, his nose filling with a scent that has no other name than Todd. This scent, this Todd scent relaxes Neil, and is one of the many things Neil loves about Todd.

"You're still shivering." Todd says. "Curl up under your blankets or something."

"Only if you come with me." Neil says, pulling Todd towards his bed.

Todd wraps himself and Neil's blanket around Neil's shivering body. Slowly Neil's body begins to stop shivering and shaking. Not long after Neil's body temperature has returned to normal Neil slips into slumber, Todd whispering I love you, I love you, I love you until he too falls asleep.


End file.
